agonyaunt | Entries tagged with race manners

Can we tell him she’s dead?

Dear Care and Feeding,

I am a woman of color, married to a white man for the past six years; we have a beautiful 3-month-old son together. Our problem is my husband’s mother, who lives in England. I’ve always known that she is a bigot who merely tolerated me as a daughter-in-law, but she exposed herself as a full-blown racist when we told her I was pregnant: She said really ugly things about her family’s bloodline being sullied by my child. (I won’t repeat the words she used.)

My husband was horrified and embarrassed and supports my cutting off all communication with her. I no longer see her during our visits to the U.K. (several times a year) and I am resolute she will never lay her eyes on our child. My husband continues to maintain a relationship with her out of a sense of duty since she is also estranged from other members of her family for different reasons and is pretty much on her own. When he visits her, they don’t discuss me or our child. As weird as it is, I am okay with him having a relationship with her—she is no longer my problem.

However, I do worry about what we will tell our son about his grandmother when he starts to wonder who and where she is—especially since his other grandma (my mom) is extremely close to us and we see her every couple of weeks. When he is old enough to ask, do we tell him that his English grandmother is dead? Do we tell him that we don’t see her because she is a bad person? I’m torn about how to be truthful without hurting our kid about who he is—or perhaps more likely, hurting him with the truth about the ugliness in his dad’s side of the family.

Any advice on how to navigate this?

—Grandma’s Gone

( Read more... )

https://michellesilverthorn.com/inclusion-live

Here's the intro from her very informative post today on Ask a Manager:

"Today Michelle Silverthorn, founder and CEO of Inclusion Nation, returns to Ask A Manager! Michelle is the author of the best-selling book Authentic Diversity: How to Change the Workplace for Good (read an excerpt here) and talked with us earlier this year about the work she does to help build more equitable companies. Now she’s back to take your questions!

She’s also starting a weekly video series on LinkedIn Live answering questions just like the ones below so if you like what you read here, connect with her at her website."

(Go there to look at all the links I don't have the chance to include)

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Agony Aunt

Entries tagged with race manners

Two Ethics Quests from Ask A Manager

Ask Amy: Friend wonders about racist pals

Ask Amy: College Student Worries About Racism At Home

"What Do We Tell Our Child About His Racist Grandmother?"

Dear Prudence: I'm So Embarassed By The Name of My Daughter's New Horse

Care & Feeding: Where Did I Go Wrong Parenting My Daughter?

Ask a Manager: how do I balance my own disability needs with cultural sensitivity at work?

Dear Care & Feeding: My Son's Therapist

Dear Prudence: I Keep Calling My Black Coworkers by the Wrong Names.

Dear Prudence/Care & Feeding: One Question Two Answers

Ask a Manager: How Is This A Question?

Dear Prudence: I'm Not Racist, I Just Really Love Dogs

Dear Prudence: My Wife Got Thrown Off the HOA Board for Being Racist

Care & Feeding: I Don't Want My Husband To Teach Our Child Creole

Dear Prudence: "I’m a White Person Who’s Tired of Working on Diversity Initiatives at Work."

Dear Prudence: this one is a doozy.

Advice Column Promo: Inclusion LIVE

Care & Feeding: I want to date a Black man.

Dear Prudence: Am I Possibly Stealing These Kids?

Dear Prudence: My POC Friends Say Being Interested in My Irish Heritage Is a Dog Whistle.

Race Manners: Which Black People Should I Believe? (Jenée Desmond-Harris in NYT)

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