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LW, just how long have you been watching your "dear friend" abuse her stepson and not said anything?
DEAR ABBY: My dear friend, "Sandra," is married with two children. She and her husband have a 4-year-old son together and another son from her husband's first marriage who is 14. The 14-year-old's life is tough, much like Cinderella's. Sandra treats him very badly. She has him doing all of the housework in their home, belittles him constantly and is very vocal about how much she dislikes him. Her 4-year-old can do no wrong.
The older boy's mother has weekends with her son, but Sandra is open about not liking her either. I feel bad about how the boy is treated and want to talk to Sandra about it, but I don't know how to bring up the sensitive subject and maintain my relationship with the family. Her husband is completely on Sandra's side, so he does nothing to help the boy have a better life. Can you offer any advice? -- FEELING FOR HIM IN WASHINGTON
DEAR FEELING: SOMEBODY has to intervene for that boy. Why does his uncaring father have custody? Could he stay with his mother full time? Are there any other relatives who could take him in? And why would you want a relationship with a heartless couple who are so emotionally abusive?
Because you apparently are the only person who cares at all about that boy, do a little research about possible alternative situations for him. However, if there are none, contact child protective services as a last resort. You won't save your friendship with Sandra, but you may save that child.
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The older boy's mother has weekends with her son, but Sandra is open about not liking her either. I feel bad about how the boy is treated and want to talk to Sandra about it, but I don't know how to bring up the sensitive subject and maintain my relationship with the family. Her husband is completely on Sandra's side, so he does nothing to help the boy have a better life. Can you offer any advice? -- FEELING FOR HIM IN WASHINGTON
DEAR FEELING: SOMEBODY has to intervene for that boy. Why does his uncaring father have custody? Could he stay with his mother full time? Are there any other relatives who could take him in? And why would you want a relationship with a heartless couple who are so emotionally abusive?
Because you apparently are the only person who cares at all about that boy, do a little research about possible alternative situations for him. However, if there are none, contact child protective services as a last resort. You won't save your friendship with Sandra, but you may save that child.
Link
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What LW ought to do is speak to this boy and ask if he has any other relative or friend he'd rather stay with. Then, depending on what he says, LW should either speak to his mother about either a. agitating for full or at least half custody or b. agitating for him to stay with one of those other relatives OR LW should offer to "help Friend" by "taking her difficult stepson off her hands". Which you'd think is a fairly transparent ploy, but you'd be amazed at how many people would, in fact, sign over permission for the kid to stay at somebody else's house most or all of the week, every week. You could even do it very informally if he's already enrolled in school and an actual parent can reliably be called should he need medical care. Which might be the only way to convince the wicked stepmother and her equally wicked husband to do this. (I don't really like doing an end run around Mom like this, but the most important thing is to get the kid out of that situation.)
Of course, maybe nothing can be done short of dropping scholarship applications for boarding schools on Kid's desk.
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