agonyaunt | (no subject)

Dear Carolyn: Several months ago, my wife informed me she wanted to hire a house cleaner, saying she was tired of the mess, tired of feeling overworked and tired of fighting with me about chore division. A week later, a maid arrived at our house. I find it incredibly stressful. I worry that the maids aren’t careful with our things, that they might peek at our private documents, and that all in all this is a ridiculous expense ($300 a month!) that could better go elsewhere, though my wife said this is what she wanted to spend her entire annual raise on. When the maids leave, I’m fried, but I admit that my wife does seem much happier. I still wish she could just relax and lower her standards a little, but … am I the one who has to get over this?

— Fried

Fried: Why don’t you just relax and lower your standards a little?

You're the one who's unhappy.

If you don't like that idea, then do the same job yourself that the cleaners do. Same schedule, producing the same results. Charge your wife $290.

If you don't like that idea, then work up a good argument for why it's better for your spouse to be mess-fatigued, overworked and fighting with you on an endless loop than for you to take a few minutes to secure the stuff you're nervous about.

I'll wait.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2021/08/04/carolyn-hax-wife-housecleaner-frustrated-expense-relationship/

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

LW, I am usually 100% sympathetic to people with spouses who have unreasonable standards of housework and refuse to compromise. But your wife has compromised! She's spending her own money on a cleaner!

If you can't handle the idea of having a cleaner in your space, designate a room in the house as your personal space. The cleaner can't go there, and your wife doesn't have to go in there if she doesn't want to, and you are responsible for all housework in that room. You can even call it a "man cave" if you really must, but "private office" is much less cringey. Anything you're worried about the cleaner finding or breaking can go in there, and put a lock on the door. When the maid is there, you are either out of the house or in your room with the door locked.