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Dear Carolyn: slightly uneven division of labor
I thought I might break the rhythm with something I suspect we will all more or less agree on ;).
Dear Carolyn: My fiance and I have been engaged since October, and since then, we’ve taken on many challenges: buying and renovating a house, planning a wedding and moving in together. In addition to those challenges, the topic of finances and chores has been a constant argument.
My fiance makes three times as much as I do and currently pays the mortgage and taxes. I pay for food and utilities, and I also have three times as much debt as he does.
He believes that because I make less, all chores (excluding mowing, but including weed-whacking, weeding, etc.) should be my responsibility. I’ve expressed to him that although I make significantly less than he does, I work 40 hours a week, come home and cook, clean on the weekends and am miserable because I haven’t had time to do anything for myself. Keep in mind, he golfs four to six days a week.
Is there a proper way to broach this topic? Every time I do, he brings up our financial inequity, and it’s getting me nowhere but exhausted and upset.
Stressed & Exhausted
You broach this topic with cardboard boxes and the best lawyer you can afford.
And a therapist, to help you figure out why you didn’t walk away from this domestic indentured servitude the moment he proposed it.
Leaving might bankrupt you, but staying will break you. He is building his contentment on your misery, saving the best cuts of life for himself.
Get out, get well, and don’t give yourself to anyone ever again who doesn’t also give himself to you.
Dear Carolyn: My fiance and I have been engaged since October, and since then, we’ve taken on many challenges: buying and renovating a house, planning a wedding and moving in together. In addition to those challenges, the topic of finances and chores has been a constant argument.
My fiance makes three times as much as I do and currently pays the mortgage and taxes. I pay for food and utilities, and I also have three times as much debt as he does.
He believes that because I make less, all chores (excluding mowing, but including weed-whacking, weeding, etc.) should be my responsibility. I’ve expressed to him that although I make significantly less than he does, I work 40 hours a week, come home and cook, clean on the weekends and am miserable because I haven’t had time to do anything for myself. Keep in mind, he golfs four to six days a week.
Is there a proper way to broach this topic? Every time I do, he brings up our financial inequity, and it’s getting me nowhere but exhausted and upset.
Stressed & Exhausted
You broach this topic with cardboard boxes and the best lawyer you can afford.
And a therapist, to help you figure out why you didn’t walk away from this domestic indentured servitude the moment he proposed it.
Leaving might bankrupt you, but staying will break you. He is building his contentment on your misery, saving the best cuts of life for himself.
Get out, get well, and don’t give yourself to anyone ever again who doesn’t also give himself to you.
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