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Oct. 11th, 2022
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Oct. 11th, 2022 12:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conulyDear Annie: I am a mom of three adult children. The circumstances that I am sharing are regarding my son and his new relationship. He is 27 and in love for the first time in his life. (Yay!) It has been wonderful to witness his newfound happiness.
His now fiancee and I have really bonded and -- I had thought -- built a fun relationship. She has four children from previous relationships, ranging in age from 10 to 17.
About six weeks ago, she started to write me emails regarding statements that I or other family members had made that she thought were insults. They were comments simply made in jest and were certainly not meant to be hurtful. She sent me a very extensive email outlining multiple conversations over a period of three months. This email was so difficult for me to read that it took me over three hours to get through it!
I responded by letting her know that I was sorry she felt this way and expressed my deepest apologies. My husband and I have gone out of our way to offer hospitality to her and her children, including hosting them over the holidays for 10 days. We also took over child care for her youngest while they went on two separate trips, and we provided the means for her to move closer to our home. She was previously living about five hours away by car. We have also assisted with planning their upcoming wedding.
A few weeks ago, she stormed out of my birthday party because my niece hugged my son! They had not seen each other for nearly two years and were simply excited to see each other. She texted my son and demanded that he leave immediately as well. She later sent me a text that said to leave her entirely and completely alone.
In the weeks since, it came out that my son had confided in my daughter that they actually are already married! They had a courthouse wedding four months ago on the first trip that they took together. They had met online only four months before that, and they still lived separately until only a month ago.
Over the last four months, they have had an engagement event and have worked hard to hide the fact that they are actually already married.
I am no longer certain I want to pursue a relationship with her. I feel so taken advantage of and hurt and bewildered by her behavior. But this may also mean losing the relationships I have built with her children, and possibly even losing my son.
Any insights you can share on how I might navigate the land mines ahead would be greatly appreciated. -- Bewildered and Heartbroken
( Read more... )
His now fiancee and I have really bonded and -- I had thought -- built a fun relationship. She has four children from previous relationships, ranging in age from 10 to 17.
About six weeks ago, she started to write me emails regarding statements that I or other family members had made that she thought were insults. They were comments simply made in jest and were certainly not meant to be hurtful. She sent me a very extensive email outlining multiple conversations over a period of three months. This email was so difficult for me to read that it took me over three hours to get through it!
I responded by letting her know that I was sorry she felt this way and expressed my deepest apologies. My husband and I have gone out of our way to offer hospitality to her and her children, including hosting them over the holidays for 10 days. We also took over child care for her youngest while they went on two separate trips, and we provided the means for her to move closer to our home. She was previously living about five hours away by car. We have also assisted with planning their upcoming wedding.
A few weeks ago, she stormed out of my birthday party because my niece hugged my son! They had not seen each other for nearly two years and were simply excited to see each other. She texted my son and demanded that he leave immediately as well. She later sent me a text that said to leave her entirely and completely alone.
In the weeks since, it came out that my son had confided in my daughter that they actually are already married! They had a courthouse wedding four months ago on the first trip that they took together. They had met online only four months before that, and they still lived separately until only a month ago.
Over the last four months, they have had an engagement event and have worked hard to hide the fact that they are actually already married.
I am no longer certain I want to pursue a relationship with her. I feel so taken advantage of and hurt and bewildered by her behavior. But this may also mean losing the relationships I have built with her children, and possibly even losing my son.
Any insights you can share on how I might navigate the land mines ahead would be greatly appreciated. -- Bewildered and Heartbroken
( Read more... )
(no subject)
Oct. 11th, 2022 03:12 pmconulyDEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for nearly six years. We have a very good relationship and have three grown adult children between us. Four years ago, my daughter and his daughter-in-law had children -- I will call them "Timmy" and "Jenny."
My grandson Timmy is autistic, but doing well with speech therapy and special education (preschool). He has his challenges, but we are supportive and encouraging. Jenny is and always has been a chatterbox. She was a good little girl until she turned 4. Her parents buy her anything and everything she wants, and she's allowed to run the show.
Recently, we watched her overnight, and I was upset with her for calling my husband an old, fat man and a punk, in addition to trying to manipulate us as she does her parents. Discipline to curb her smart mouth is frowned upon, and laughed off. My husband has spoken to his son about this twice. It has changed nothing. I don't feel it's my place to scold and discipline, but if she's in my home, I think she must behave respectfully. Abby, please help with any advice. -- FRUSTRATED NANA IN WASHINGTON
( Read more... )
My grandson Timmy is autistic, but doing well with speech therapy and special education (preschool). He has his challenges, but we are supportive and encouraging. Jenny is and always has been a chatterbox. She was a good little girl until she turned 4. Her parents buy her anything and everything she wants, and she's allowed to run the show.
Recently, we watched her overnight, and I was upset with her for calling my husband an old, fat man and a punk, in addition to trying to manipulate us as she does her parents. Discipline to curb her smart mouth is frowned upon, and laughed off. My husband has spoken to his son about this twice. It has changed nothing. I don't feel it's my place to scold and discipline, but if she's in my home, I think she must behave respectfully. Abby, please help with any advice. -- FRUSTRATED NANA IN WASHINGTON
( Read more... )
(no subject)
Oct. 11th, 2022 03:16 pmconulyDear Amy: I live with my fiancé and our cat, and I’m really happy. We are getting married at Disneyland next year! I have everything I’ve ever wanted for my dream wedding, including riding in Cinderella’s crystal coach.
My mom and I have made a plan to go wedding dress shopping together. I also invited my future mother-in-law to come with us. My fiancé doesn’t have any sisters and his mom always wanted a daughter. She and I are really close.
The problem is that a friend of mine is really offended. He says he’s bothered that I didn’t ask him to come with me on this dress shopping excursion, but that I did choose to include my fiancé’s mom.
He said it’s usually a bridal party of close friends, or just the bride and mother of the bride who go shopping for a dress. I plan to go ahead with my plan to include the two most special women in my life. But I am wondering, am I in the wrong?
– Anxious Bride
( Read more... )
My mom and I have made a plan to go wedding dress shopping together. I also invited my future mother-in-law to come with us. My fiancé doesn’t have any sisters and his mom always wanted a daughter. She and I are really close.
The problem is that a friend of mine is really offended. He says he’s bothered that I didn’t ask him to come with me on this dress shopping excursion, but that I did choose to include my fiancé’s mom.
He said it’s usually a bridal party of close friends, or just the bride and mother of the bride who go shopping for a dress. I plan to go ahead with my plan to include the two most special women in my life. But I am wondering, am I in the wrong?
– Anxious Bride
( Read more... )