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(no subject)
Dear Care and Feeding,
I’m 17 years old. Two years ago when I was babysitting a lot for my niece (who’s now 7), I noticed odd things in her behavior that made me think she needed glasses. I brought it up to my brother and his wife, but they dismissed me, saying that the school and the doctors do eye tests, and they would have noticed something. My brother was really mean about it too; he called me an idiot and a busybody, and basically said I was too young to understand how the world works.
A few months ago, they took her to the eye doctor after she was complaining about headaches and it turns out that she did need them. Within a few months, she went from barely being able to read to being a kid who reads for fun. Plus, she’s doing a lot better in school. I think my brother should apologize for the things he said because it’s now proven that I’m right. But also, I don’t know if I should push for it. My parents don’t think I should, but they also took his side two years ago (they agreed with him but thought he shouldn’t have been so mean).
—Babysitter Was Right
Your brother is an adult who should obviously know better than to name-call his teenaged sister. And right now, he either has forgotten about the whole interaction or remembers and is too embarrassed to admit to being wrong.
You could call him on it, and say, “You know when I raised this issue years ago, you were pretty mean to me. I don’t need you to tell me I was right, but I would appreciate an apology.” But is it going to give you what you want? Is he likely to apologize (and mean it) or will he just snark at you for raising a two-year-old issue that you’re still upset about?
I would want vindication if I were in your shoes, too, but from what little you’ve told me, I’m skeptical you’ll get it. I would just tuck this away in the back of your mind. The next time you mention something you notice about your niece and are dismissed by him, you have my permission to say something along the lines of, “Fine, if you want to ignore me about this like you ignored my obviously correct instincts about her eyesight, feel free.” I might be an advice columnist, but I’m not above a little self-righteousness now and then.
—Allison
Link
I’m 17 years old. Two years ago when I was babysitting a lot for my niece (who’s now 7), I noticed odd things in her behavior that made me think she needed glasses. I brought it up to my brother and his wife, but they dismissed me, saying that the school and the doctors do eye tests, and they would have noticed something. My brother was really mean about it too; he called me an idiot and a busybody, and basically said I was too young to understand how the world works.
A few months ago, they took her to the eye doctor after she was complaining about headaches and it turns out that she did need them. Within a few months, she went from barely being able to read to being a kid who reads for fun. Plus, she’s doing a lot better in school. I think my brother should apologize for the things he said because it’s now proven that I’m right. But also, I don’t know if I should push for it. My parents don’t think I should, but they also took his side two years ago (they agreed with him but thought he shouldn’t have been so mean).
—Babysitter Was Right
Your brother is an adult who should obviously know better than to name-call his teenaged sister. And right now, he either has forgotten about the whole interaction or remembers and is too embarrassed to admit to being wrong.
You could call him on it, and say, “You know when I raised this issue years ago, you were pretty mean to me. I don’t need you to tell me I was right, but I would appreciate an apology.” But is it going to give you what you want? Is he likely to apologize (and mean it) or will he just snark at you for raising a two-year-old issue that you’re still upset about?
I would want vindication if I were in your shoes, too, but from what little you’ve told me, I’m skeptical you’ll get it. I would just tuck this away in the back of your mind. The next time you mention something you notice about your niece and are dismissed by him, you have my permission to say something along the lines of, “Fine, if you want to ignore me about this like you ignored my obviously correct instincts about her eyesight, feel free.” I might be an advice columnist, but I’m not above a little self-righteousness now and then.
—Allison
Link
no subject
On that note, as a reminder, children really ought to go to the optometrist every year from the age of three - or, if that's not possible, every other year from the time they enter school. The screening at school and the pediatrician will only really catch near blindness.
no subject
If I were LW I would ABSOLUTELY want the vindication but yeah, this is one of those adulting lessons: she's not going to get it.
I do hope Brother and his wife are not generally negligent.
no subject
Most of them aren't negligent, just ignorant.
no subject
I can see the future sometimes. I predict that your fantastic little niece is going to have other issues in the future, issues that your name-calling, bullying brother is going to ignore or be extremely wrong about. And when that happens, your niece is going to appreciate having an ally who is closer to her age and also related to her.
So my advice is: keep a private diary (something like a google doc on an account that isn't left logged in) of the various crappy things your brother does that affect your niece. Speak up when you see something, both when it's just the adults and when your niece can hear that you're advocating for her. Write it all down, complete with dates and sober, factual accounts of what happened as well as your indignant reactions. Most importantly, don't compromise your access to your niece for the purpose of scoring points on your brother.
This is so that when your niece finds living with her jerk of a father to be intolerable, living with Auntie Right might be on the table as an alternative to running away or whatever. And if your brother turns out to be neglectful or emotionally abusive, you'll have receipts.
no subject
This family sounds awful except for the LW.
Plus the LW is never going to get an apology of any kind and should just give up and know they have learned something about their stupid family.