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Two questions about pets
1. DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Both my son and his new wife were raised in homes with pets. They also grew up in homes with incomes comfortable enough to take excellent care of those pets.
Because of the pandemic, they didn’t get to have a honeymoon when they got married last year. Instead, they decided to adopt a special needs puppy, who has since required one major surgery and several minor procedures.
I am proud of the young people for being willing to take on such a challenge. But I am disappointed for them that their caring cost them their honeymoon because they used the money they had set aside for it to cover the expenses of some of the veterinary care.
My worry is that this sweet pup of theirs is going to continue to drain their finances to the point that they will have to put off the next big steps of buying a home, which they no longer seem to talk about, and for all I know, starting a family.
Is this level of devotion to a pet worth it? I never say anything, and have even sent them a little money towards the treatments when I can, but it all just seems too much. --- PET LOVERS’ MOM
DEAR PET LOVERS’ MOM: We Americans spend more money taking care of our furry family members than anyone else in the world. So your son’s and his wife’s devotion to their puppy is far from uncommon. They apparently purposely chose a dog for whom they felt they could do some good.
In both the short and long run, as difficult as it may sometimes be for you to see what they’re willing to sacrifice for your grandpup, it’s their decision — just as it’s yours to pitch in to help as you’re able. Perhaps there will come a time in the near future when all the treatments will pay off, and the young couple will be able to begin to budget for other things.
https://www.uexpress.com/life/ask-someone-elses-mom/2022/01/06
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2. DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend of three years decided that his New Year’s resolution would be a clean break from our relationship. He said that he hasn’t been happy for months and wanted “to clear the air.” I am really hurt. Also, we have a dog and two cats and he wants to keep all of the animals with him. Not only did he spring this break-up on me, but now he wants to have all the pets, too? When I told him I wanted to share the animals, he told me, “that would be weird.” Well, I think it’s weird that he thinks he can just have whatever he wants, however he wants. I’m so disgusted. My friends are telling me to just move out and move on, but our pets are like my children. I can’t and won’t just abandon them. Any ideas on how to deal with the real dog in this situation and get my pets back, too? – RUFF TIME
DEAR RUFF TIME: Just because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore doesn’t mean he gets to dictate the terms of the breakup. This all sounds like he is on a power trip, too. What I would first figure out is who paid for the animals? Who took care of them primarily? Did one of you favor the cats over the dog? Did one of you have the animal/s prior to the relationship? Start there as a way to deal with this. For example, if he had the dog before you were together, he probably has a good case for keeping it. But, if you bought the animals together, you may have to make a choice as to who keeps which pets. Maybe the cats should stay together? Maybe the dog goes with one of you and the cats with the other? Sharing custody of them probably won’t work well if you aren’t getting along – and it sounds as though you aren’t. Plus, animals do better in a stable environment and may not fare well being shuffled back and forth to different locations each week or month. He has to meet you halfway unless he had them all before you got together. On the other hand, a clean break may be what is in your best interest, too. Maybe getting a new pet that is all your own is a good solution. But, if that feels too sad to think about leaving yours behind, try to work it through first. He may realize having three pets to take care of on his own isn’t as fun as he thinks and will give in and compromise.
https://www.uexpress.com/life/ask-natalie/2022/01/05
Because of the pandemic, they didn’t get to have a honeymoon when they got married last year. Instead, they decided to adopt a special needs puppy, who has since required one major surgery and several minor procedures.
I am proud of the young people for being willing to take on such a challenge. But I am disappointed for them that their caring cost them their honeymoon because they used the money they had set aside for it to cover the expenses of some of the veterinary care.
My worry is that this sweet pup of theirs is going to continue to drain their finances to the point that they will have to put off the next big steps of buying a home, which they no longer seem to talk about, and for all I know, starting a family.
Is this level of devotion to a pet worth it? I never say anything, and have even sent them a little money towards the treatments when I can, but it all just seems too much. --- PET LOVERS’ MOM
DEAR PET LOVERS’ MOM: We Americans spend more money taking care of our furry family members than anyone else in the world. So your son’s and his wife’s devotion to their puppy is far from uncommon. They apparently purposely chose a dog for whom they felt they could do some good.
In both the short and long run, as difficult as it may sometimes be for you to see what they’re willing to sacrifice for your grandpup, it’s their decision — just as it’s yours to pitch in to help as you’re able. Perhaps there will come a time in the near future when all the treatments will pay off, and the young couple will be able to begin to budget for other things.
https://www.uexpress.com/life/ask-someone-elses-mom/2022/01/06
2. DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend of three years decided that his New Year’s resolution would be a clean break from our relationship. He said that he hasn’t been happy for months and wanted “to clear the air.” I am really hurt. Also, we have a dog and two cats and he wants to keep all of the animals with him. Not only did he spring this break-up on me, but now he wants to have all the pets, too? When I told him I wanted to share the animals, he told me, “that would be weird.” Well, I think it’s weird that he thinks he can just have whatever he wants, however he wants. I’m so disgusted. My friends are telling me to just move out and move on, but our pets are like my children. I can’t and won’t just abandon them. Any ideas on how to deal with the real dog in this situation and get my pets back, too? – RUFF TIME
DEAR RUFF TIME: Just because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore doesn’t mean he gets to dictate the terms of the breakup. This all sounds like he is on a power trip, too. What I would first figure out is who paid for the animals? Who took care of them primarily? Did one of you favor the cats over the dog? Did one of you have the animal/s prior to the relationship? Start there as a way to deal with this. For example, if he had the dog before you were together, he probably has a good case for keeping it. But, if you bought the animals together, you may have to make a choice as to who keeps which pets. Maybe the cats should stay together? Maybe the dog goes with one of you and the cats with the other? Sharing custody of them probably won’t work well if you aren’t getting along – and it sounds as though you aren’t. Plus, animals do better in a stable environment and may not fare well being shuffled back and forth to different locations each week or month. He has to meet you halfway unless he had them all before you got together. On the other hand, a clean break may be what is in your best interest, too. Maybe getting a new pet that is all your own is a good solution. But, if that feels too sad to think about leaving yours behind, try to work it through first. He may realize having three pets to take care of on his own isn’t as fun as he thinks and will give in and compromise.
https://www.uexpress.com/life/ask-natalie/2022/01/05
no subject
LW2: You need to sit down with your ex and talk. That's going to suck. Sorry. If either of you entered the relationship with the pet, you should exit with it unless the other person took over the majority of care during the relationship. (i.e. my sister who took over all the vet visits, making sure there was dog food in the house, and exercising her ex's dog, kept the dog. The dog at that point was putting himself between the two and growling at ex.)
Healing is going to suck, LW2. I think therapy will help. In the long run you aren't stuck with this abusive jerk and that's going to be a blessing.
no subject
LW2 Tbh I'd talk to a lawyer first, and then the ex. But he also makes me feel petty and vindictive.