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agonyaunt2020-12-11 07:42 am
lemonsharks) wrote in agonyaunt2020-12-11 07:42 am
Entry tags:
Dear Abby: Daughter clashes with dad over his teenaged girlfriend
LW's 50 year old dad is dating a 19 year old girl who went to her high school.
This entire creepshow is going under a cut.
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DEAR ABBY: I’m really uncomfortable about my father’s new relationship. He is 50 and dating a girl who is 19 -- only two years older than I am. She went to my high school.
I think their age difference is disgusting. He knows how I feel about it, and he doesn’t care. We fought, and I told him I wouldn’t talk to him anymore. I would rather live with my mom full time than spend half my time at his house.
I haven’t seen or spoken to him in more than a month, and I am hurt that he would choose his girlfriend over me. My father and I were never super close, but we had a decent relationship. I looked up to him.
Without him in my life I feel like something is missing. I have tried to get over how I feel and force myself to accept the situation regardless of how uncomfortable it makes me feel, but I just can’t! I have lost respect for him. I feel like he is a pervert.
How can I take his parental advice seriously or listen when he tries to discipline me when he is dating someone my age? It makes me wonder if he treats his girlfriend like his daughter and tries to parent her, too -- which is just creepy. What can I do to feel better? -- HATES DAD’S TEEN ROMANCE
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DEAR HATES: I would love to know how that girl’s parents feel about this love match. Your father may be flattered that someone so young would have a romantic interest in him. Being with her may make him forget that he’s 31 years older -- past middle age -- and think he’s a cool young dude again.
When there is that great an age difference, the older person is usually the one calling the shots, and the balance of power in the relationship is unequal. If your father is parenting her, it may be because she needs a “daddy” and it makes him feel important.
You’ll start feeling better as soon as you accept that you can’t control what your father does and realize that his relationship with your contemporary may not last. In the meantime, focus on your studies.
This entire creepshow is going under a cut.
-----
DEAR ABBY: I’m really uncomfortable about my father’s new relationship. He is 50 and dating a girl who is 19 -- only two years older than I am. She went to my high school.
I think their age difference is disgusting. He knows how I feel about it, and he doesn’t care. We fought, and I told him I wouldn’t talk to him anymore. I would rather live with my mom full time than spend half my time at his house.
I haven’t seen or spoken to him in more than a month, and I am hurt that he would choose his girlfriend over me. My father and I were never super close, but we had a decent relationship. I looked up to him.
Without him in my life I feel like something is missing. I have tried to get over how I feel and force myself to accept the situation regardless of how uncomfortable it makes me feel, but I just can’t! I have lost respect for him. I feel like he is a pervert.
How can I take his parental advice seriously or listen when he tries to discipline me when he is dating someone my age? It makes me wonder if he treats his girlfriend like his daughter and tries to parent her, too -- which is just creepy. What can I do to feel better? -- HATES DAD’S TEEN ROMANCE
-----
DEAR HATES: I would love to know how that girl’s parents feel about this love match. Your father may be flattered that someone so young would have a romantic interest in him. Being with her may make him forget that he’s 31 years older -- past middle age -- and think he’s a cool young dude again.
When there is that great an age difference, the older person is usually the one calling the shots, and the balance of power in the relationship is unequal. If your father is parenting her, it may be because she needs a “daddy” and it makes him feel important.
You’ll start feeling better as soon as you accept that you can’t control what your father does and realize that his relationship with your contemporary may not last. In the meantime, focus on your studies.
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Poor kid.
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(I think Doin' It would handle the the situation better than Dear Prudence OR Care and Feeding)
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Sure, I'll distract myself from the thing by not being distracted by the thing!
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Ugh, I feel for the poor LW.
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I think the LW has pretty clearly articulated understanding that? And it's so unrelated to the next line that it makes me feel like at some point someone went, "uh, Abby, you should at least mention the power dynamic there" and she had literally no idea how to address it so just dropped a statement of fact uselessly into the middle of the response.
If your father is parenting her, it may be because she needs a “daddy” and it makes him feel important.
CREEPY. AND blaming the young woman in this situation? If he's parenting her it's probably because she needs a daddy? Did the LW's dad write this response? Because this sounds like a 50-year-old man's fantasy of why he'd be parenting his teen girlfriend.
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