Dear Carolyn: I’m a rent-paying resident of the house I grew up in, and my roommates are my parents. I’ve been here three years.

My father announced this week he wants to sell the house “possibly” three months from now or at that time next year, and my mom decided they will move to their second home (a condo in Florida). When I asked for details on a timeline, my mom told me it’s none of my business and doesn’t concern me.

I’ve got my emotional responses and my rational ones. As a longtime rent-paying tenant, I think I am entitled to know what my timeline is for vacating the residence. As their daughter, I am mad and hurt that they’re so callous and unwilling to give me information that would help me make good decisions in a tight and expensive housing market.

And there’s an emotional response to losing the home I grew up in and love, but that’s mine to manage; they gotta do what they gotta do.

Am I asking too much? Am I being too needy?

— “Tenant”

“Tenant”: With an answer that gobsmackingly cold, and wrong, from your “roommate” — landlord, really — I have to think you will be better off emotionally once you’re out of this arrangement. If nothing else, it’s a small offset to what I do understand will be a significant financial hit.

I mean, wow. I’m sorry.

I think the first-line rational response is, “Well, I live here now, and won’t be able to live here then, so that does indeed ‘concern’ me.”

But that’s so obvious, it might count as trying to reason with a brick wall.

Next, I’d start looking for my next home regardless. If it were at all feasible, I’d be offering to buy the place from them. (Probably encountering the brick wall again, but in the interest of being thorough, it needs saying.)

Assuming that’s out … and if you quote me on this I’ll deny writing it, even though this is public and the internet is forever: I might weigh the potential damage to what’s left of our relationship (thanks, Mommy!) against shoring up my finances for the housing market, and consider ceasing to pay them rent. But, like I said, I didn’t say that.

As for the emotional response, you didn’t give me any background to work with. Have they always been this way? Have you asked them what’s going on? It may be a therapy answer, since that degree of parental dismissiveness urgently wants exploring.

Re: Tenant: Is it possible they don’t really intend to move? They may have been hinting or cajoling or even outright asking their daughter to move — and she is the brick wall. She needs to move, and continue paying rent until she does.
— Anonymous

Anonymous: At first I thought, “Ooh, twist” — but it doesn’t fit. She is asking for a timeline! So they can give a timeline. Or, “timeline.” Done. But they refuse.

Other readers’ thoughts:

· See if you have a legal right of first refusal on the house. If you signed a lease, then check for that clause. It’s possible your parents have obligations to you, as their tenant, that they are either unaware of or deliberately not sharing. Good luck!

· Even if it’s an informal arrangement, tenants have rights. Check the laws in your location and look into free or low-cost advocacy or legal services. Your parents may owe you a specific timeline, and if they want to treat you like “it’s just business,” then, right back at them.

Link