I mean, if someone said to me, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you," I'd reassess the relationship.
With that said, LW is pretty obviously dealing with some insecurity and is distressed by feeling like she and her boyfriend aren't on the same page, and the semantics are less important than whether they have similar feelings and a desire to build a future together.
I disagree with LW that you "love someone at the beginning of a relationship, but you grow to be in love as time passes" -- the latter part may be true, but you LIKE someone at the beginning of a relationship, and you can experience limerence (the floaty, crushy, butterflies, semi-obsessive thinking of them) during the time when a relationship is deepening, and you can develop feelings of love (and feeling "in love") over time.
Not everyone adheres to this exact order or timeline or set of feelings, but it's a more common way of defining the terms.
["Building a future together" isn't required, I'm not a follower of the "Relationship Escalator" paradigm, where a relationship that doesn't lead to cohabitation and marriage has somehow failed -- but that's what THIS person wants with THEIR partner.]
no subject
With that said, LW is pretty obviously dealing with some insecurity and is distressed by feeling like she and her boyfriend aren't on the same page, and the semantics are less important than whether they have similar feelings and a desire to build a future together.
I disagree with LW that you "love someone at the beginning of a relationship, but you grow to be in love as time passes" -- the latter part may be true, but you LIKE someone at the beginning of a relationship, and you can experience limerence (the floaty, crushy, butterflies, semi-obsessive thinking of them) during the time when a relationship is deepening, and you can develop feelings of love (and feeling "in love") over time.
Not everyone adheres to this exact order or timeline or set of feelings, but it's a more common way of defining the terms.
["Building a future together" isn't required, I'm not a follower of the "Relationship Escalator" paradigm, where a relationship that doesn't lead to cohabitation and marriage has somehow failed -- but that's what THIS person wants with THEIR partner.]