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Dear Amy: I'm a 33-year-old man. I have one child that I'm not allowed to see.
My son is three years old, and his mother does not allow me to see him because she still holds on to grudges from my past.
Now granted, I am a recovering addict, but she doesn't see the changes that I have made in my life.
I believe I can be there as the father to our child.
What can I do to show her that I have changed and have become a better human being?
– Want to be a Dad
Dear Dad: The best way to apply for parenting-time is through your local family court.
If you go through the court, you could be ordered to attend parenting classes, take drug tests, or attend therapy before you are permitted visitation. You would need to submit proof to the court that you have complied.
If you are attempting to work this out informally, you could fulfill these same recommendations and submit them to the child’s mother as proof that you deserve visitation.
Holding down a steady job, contributing financially to the child’s benefit, and working your program are all ways to demonstrate that you are ready for fatherhood.
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/askamy/s-2663514?fs
My son is three years old, and his mother does not allow me to see him because she still holds on to grudges from my past.
Now granted, I am a recovering addict, but she doesn't see the changes that I have made in my life.
I believe I can be there as the father to our child.
What can I do to show her that I have changed and have become a better human being?
– Want to be a Dad
Dear Dad: The best way to apply for parenting-time is through your local family court.
If you go through the court, you could be ordered to attend parenting classes, take drug tests, or attend therapy before you are permitted visitation. You would need to submit proof to the court that you have complied.
If you are attempting to work this out informally, you could fulfill these same recommendations and submit them to the child’s mother as proof that you deserve visitation.
Holding down a steady job, contributing financially to the child’s benefit, and working your program are all ways to demonstrate that you are ready for fatherhood.
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/askamy/s-2663514?fs
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Also, "She doesn't see the changes I have made in my life" -- is that because she's completely removed herself from their common social circles and doesn't ever see or hear from him, or is it because the changes aren't actually visible to an outside observer? ("Wandering Ways" by Great Big Sea is an apropos song here: the wronged woman is the one who saw that her child's father had changed enough to be worth giving a second chance; it wasn't because he said "but I'm different now!")
Children need good men in their lives, if only so that when they meet an asshole man they don't have "well, men are just like that" ingrained in their heads. I hope the LW will be one of those good men for his son, but it may take some time to show that he's ready for that responsibility.
being sober =/= good guy
I'm glad LW is sober, but I see no evidence that it was the only he needed to be "a better human being" now. Passing the consequences of his own actions off as the mother of his child "holding a grudge" is childish and nasty.
However the last >4yrs have played out, they have changed her too. She was there for that kid through some hard years of parenting, and best case scenario is LW was just out of the picture and the net support/stress was zero. But she's only in this letter as a couple phrases couched in careful context; not even in thwarting LW does she get any voice or legit concerns.
Re: being sober =/= good guy
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Gee, I sure do wonder if he's payed the full amount of child support the kiddo is entitled to 🤔. I sure do wonder if he is even able to deal with a single toddler tantrum without freaking out himself.
To the surprise of precisely no more one here, I would have ghosted this dude and moved across the country the second I decided to keep the
kidpregnancy. And if I found out he wanted to be part of the kid's life I would also have immediately petitioned the court for full custody.Less than three years is not long enough to know of this dude is going to stay clean.
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