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agonyaunt2021-02-03 10:51 am
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2021-02-03 10:51 am
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Ask A Teacher: 50 Acres vs Education
My oldest child been a high-ability learner since he was under a year old. Now he is in first grade and testing in the top 98 percent of the state in math and reading. My husband grew up on a farm, and we have the opportunity to move close to family and build our dream home on over 50 acres of land. In many ways I know this will have a positive impact on my children, as they can help grandparents with farm chores and be close to cousins, and I truly believe nature is a nature stress reliever for my intelligent and anxious child.
The concern I have—and can’t seem to get a clear answer on the potential impact of—is the small-town public school. The school ratings show the students testing and performing below grade level, and I am concerned about the impact on my gifted student’s experience and education. I reached out to the school and they are working on making improvements, but there is no offering for gifted students or AP programs in high school. We tried private school for kindergarten, but the environment was too restrictive, and my child is also showing gender tendencies that may not be accepted in a religious school. In fact, I’m worried they may not be accepted in this small-town school either, for that matter. How important is school for a student’s success, particularly if parents are very involved too?
—Farm Life Calls?
Dear Farm Life,
This is such a difficult question for me to answer. As a teacher, of course I believe school is important! Conventional wisdom dictates that a quality education is paramount to adult success. Yet there are those who argue that socioeconomic status is actually more predictive of adult success than school ratings. (I should add that I am skeptical of school ratings in general; I believe they paint an incomplete picture.) I am honestly not qualified to parse out the competing data and give you a definitive answer.
Here’s what I can tell you from experience: Some gifted children who are not academically challenged will be unhappy in school. They may act out, disengage, or develop a negative attitude toward school. On the other hand, some high-achieving children love being the smartest kid in the room and don’t mind when everything is too easy. You may find that the teachers in this small-town school will figure out ways to challenge your child despite the lack of gifted-and-talented programming; if not, you may have to do a lot of heavy lifting to get him the enrichment he needs. However, there may be creative solutions. I know some high schoolers in rural areas take AP courses online, for example.
As far as your child’s gender expression, I think that whether or not he will be accepted depends on this specific town’s culture. Some small-town communities embrace each member in all their individuality; others ostracize people who are different. (I say this as someone who grew up in a small town.) Of course, this same thing can happen in an urban neighborhood, but large cities offer more opportunities to find your people, so to speak. Your husband and his siblings should be able to give you a sense of how your child will be received.
I think the bigger question is this: Which is more important to your child’s immediate happiness, a school with advanced academic opportunities in your current community or close proximity to family and nature in your husband’s hometown? His happiness in childhood is the most important factor to making this decision, in my opinion.
Best of luck!
—Ms. Holbrook (high school teacher, Texas)
The concern I have—and can’t seem to get a clear answer on the potential impact of—is the small-town public school. The school ratings show the students testing and performing below grade level, and I am concerned about the impact on my gifted student’s experience and education. I reached out to the school and they are working on making improvements, but there is no offering for gifted students or AP programs in high school. We tried private school for kindergarten, but the environment was too restrictive, and my child is also showing gender tendencies that may not be accepted in a religious school. In fact, I’m worried they may not be accepted in this small-town school either, for that matter. How important is school for a student’s success, particularly if parents are very involved too?
—Farm Life Calls?
Dear Farm Life,
This is such a difficult question for me to answer. As a teacher, of course I believe school is important! Conventional wisdom dictates that a quality education is paramount to adult success. Yet there are those who argue that socioeconomic status is actually more predictive of adult success than school ratings. (I should add that I am skeptical of school ratings in general; I believe they paint an incomplete picture.) I am honestly not qualified to parse out the competing data and give you a definitive answer.
Here’s what I can tell you from experience: Some gifted children who are not academically challenged will be unhappy in school. They may act out, disengage, or develop a negative attitude toward school. On the other hand, some high-achieving children love being the smartest kid in the room and don’t mind when everything is too easy. You may find that the teachers in this small-town school will figure out ways to challenge your child despite the lack of gifted-and-talented programming; if not, you may have to do a lot of heavy lifting to get him the enrichment he needs. However, there may be creative solutions. I know some high schoolers in rural areas take AP courses online, for example.
As far as your child’s gender expression, I think that whether or not he will be accepted depends on this specific town’s culture. Some small-town communities embrace each member in all their individuality; others ostracize people who are different. (I say this as someone who grew up in a small town.) Of course, this same thing can happen in an urban neighborhood, but large cities offer more opportunities to find your people, so to speak. Your husband and his siblings should be able to give you a sense of how your child will be received.
I think the bigger question is this: Which is more important to your child’s immediate happiness, a school with advanced academic opportunities in your current community or close proximity to family and nature in your husband’s hometown? His happiness in childhood is the most important factor to making this decision, in my opinion.
Best of luck!
—Ms. Holbrook (high school teacher, Texas)
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Our family experience over a few generations is that a gifted kid is better off with more time/bandwidth to pursue their own interests (and find friends and maybe a mentor along those interests) vs the damage a bad or indifferent school will do, which is a lot.
That said, when our own kid got older, our top priority became finding a supportive community where she could find her people.
Advantages are one thing, but it's also important not to quash their love of learning (or of life).
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But if your kid is possibly gender nonconforming in some fashion, then I suggest -- even if covid means you can't visit anyone in person -- get a sense of how both the rural school and your current school handle gender nc kids. Does either school already have out gender nc kids? Do they have an explicit bathroom policy? What's the sports team policy? Do they let kids choose pronouns? Do they let kids who are assigned male at birth wear dresses? What's the anti-bullying policy? Find the existing PFLAG or parents' group in both school systems, and ask what their biggest frustrations are. And the rural community may be better than your current school system -- don't assume!
Your kid will probably be intellectually fine. But if they're forced to closet, they have high odds of dying. Priorities.
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Oh and when the kid is bigger a computer is a MUST, with internet access. Independent learning is the way to go when school is dull.
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But if the school and community are not supportive of queer and trans kids, then that can have a severe impact on their mental and physical health.
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