Dear Care and Feeding,

My daughter is 9 and wonderfully smart and creative. One of her favorite creative outlets is cooking. However, she has been somewhat brainwashed by cooking shows, which give the impression that everything is prepared off the cuff. So she now believes that cooking is wantonly combining ingredients to create culinary masterpieces. I have explained that all those celebrity chefs develop and follow recipes based on carefully measured ingredients and food science, and that I am happy to teach her how to cook so she develops the skills to eventually create her own recipes. She, however, wastes huge amounts of food creating inedible dishes based solely on her creative whims.

I was working outside in the yard and my daughter, beaming, came out to tell me she made me lunch. My heart sank. She had “made lunch” out of $100 worth of ingredients, three to four meals’ worth. I put my foot down and told her that unless she is supervised and following a recipe, she is not allowed to prepare anything in the kitchen. I was calm but firm, explaining how our family can’t afford to waste food on experimentation.

I feel guilty for suppressing her creativity, but I have held firm on the recipe rule. She is as stubborn as she is creative and, under the new rules, refuses to even set foot in the kitchen to assist with meal preparation. We are at a mildly hostile stalemate going on weeks and I am at a loss for how to move forward constructively. I have an overarching concern that her resistance to learn a skill because it infringes on her freedom means that she is essentially “uncoachable,” one of those precocious and obnoxious kids who will miss out because no one wants to deal with her attitude. Do you see a different way to move forward? Please help.
—Cryin’ Chef


Dear CC,

I suspect that your daughter’s avoidance of the kitchen has less to do with a refusal to follow recipes and more to do with the fact that she felt as though she was doing something awesome and just ended up getting in trouble. Your response was not without justification, of course, but the impact was demoralizing to your budding chef. This is something I’m sure you don’t want, so as it stands now, it is you who has a little kitchen cleanup to do.

Our daughter went through a precocious baking phase when she was about the same age, fueled by obsessive viewing of competitive cooking shows and the fact that one of her closest friends was a wildly talented baker. (Seriously, this fifth-grader was so good I actually resented her. Like, who gave you the right to craft a tray of perfect macarons, when I can barely get my meringue to peak, you little brat?) After a few destroyed cake pans and a container of expensive gifted chocolate powder spilled behind the stove, we decided to designate her own section of the cabinet with her own ingredients with which she could do as she pleased. If she wanted to use something from the general stash, she had to ask permission. It is great that your daughter wants to cook, but let her manage her own ingredients, rather than filching yours, and see how quickly she learns to slow down and take it carefully.

Also, I recommend The Great British Baking Show, especially the early seasons. Unlike the drama-filled Death Chef: Torture Blades of Satan–style shows that have become so popular, TGBBO features talented chefs using recipes, struggling with measurements, and pursuing the science of baking. It shows that cooking is not some dramatic improvisational dance but rather a slow, detail-filled pursuit. Maybe your daughter will be inspired! Maybe she’ll learn that cooking is actually lame and boring. Either way, problem solved.