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SO MANY BAD PARENTS
Dear Care and Feeding,
One of my daughters, who is 12, hates roller coasters. I’m not sure why, but she has always despised them. My wife will not let her just sit out the amusement park rides. When my daughter was younger, she would kick and scream, and my wife would just pick her up and put her on the ride even if she was crying. She insists “she’ll learn to enjoy them,” but so far she hasn’t. Now that our daughter is older, my wife still forces her on the rides by threatening to ground her or take away electronics. My daughter isn’t afraid of heights or prone to motion sickness. I’ve asked her why she doesn’t like roller coasters, and she just says they make her feel weird. I’ve never met anyone who dislikes roller coasters without a reason. At this point, I’m ready to just let her do something else for the day so we don’t have to deal with her attitude, but my wife is still insistent that she rides these rides. Is there a reason she’s acting like this? Is there a way to get her to enjoy them so we can finally have peace?
—Rough Rides
Dear R.R.,
Pardon my language, but WTF? Why on earth do you people insist on making a hesitant child ride a roller coaster? We aren’t talking about swimming or a self-defense class or cooking or showering (you know, life skills), but an amusement park attraction that, in most instances, requires the rider or their parents to assume some level of responsibility for possible injury sustained while doing something dangerous in the name of entertainment. The entire point of riding a roller coaster is to have fun. If roller coasters are not fun to you, you should not ride them and your parents should not force you. This is akin to making a kid who’d rather eat a salad have a bacon chili cheeseburger; having one on occasion isn’t going to kill you, but it could be mighty unpleasant for someone with a sensitive stomach, and only worth the discomfort if they are interested in enjoying the meal.
It’s one thing to encourage a scared kid to try a ride to challenge themselves (I personally would not do this for fear I may traumatize them, but some of y’all move differently), but it’s another to make your daughter ride one (or more?) every time you go to an amusement park, which I suspect is much more often than she’d like. I am begging you, as a former kid who hated and was afraid of roller coasters, to stop trying to force her into enjoying something she clearly doesn’t and instead, allow her to spend the day with a friend, grandparents, anyone who won’t make her miserable and call it a family activity.
Dear Care and Feeding,
I’m 14 and in ninth grade. I’ve gained some weight since the pandemic started. I don’t know exactly how much, but I’m still within the “healthy” range of BMI. The problem is that my mom thinks I’m really fat and last week she took all my clothes. She let me keep my pajamas and some of my sweat pants, but nothing that she thought was too small or too tight. She says that she doesn’t want me walking around looking like an overstuffed sausage. She gave me a stack of my dad’s old T-shirts and baggy cotton shorts to wear instead. I asked her if we could just go shopping and buy some new clothes in larger sizes. I even offered to pay for it myself with my allowance. She said if she let me get new clothes then that would send the message that being fat is OK. She thinks if I want to have nice clothes then I need to do a better job of taking care of my body. Before the pandemic, I was a lot more active, but I haven’t been able to play sports as much since everything got shut down last year. I’ve tried to talk to her about how embarrassed I am by the clothes she’s making me wear, but she doesn’t care. I feel so embarrassed when I leave the house now that I barely go out anymore. My dad won’t help at all; he says it’s between my mom and me. I just want to wear my normal clothes again and hang out with my friends. What should I do?
—Fourteen and Fat
Dear F.F.,
I am so sorry that your mother is behaving in such an inexcusable manner. What she is doing is harmful, it is cruel, and you do not deserve it. No one should be made to feel such a way about their body. There would be nothing wrong with you if you were fat, and there is nothing wrong with you now.
Two people in this situation are wrong, however: your mom for her behavior and your dad for failing to defend you against it. This is a scenario no child should have to be in, left to figure out what to do and who to tell when her parents are screwing up, and I wish I had better, easier answers for you. I would suggest talking to another trusted adult in your life: Is there an aunt, a teacher, a guidance counselor whom you can speak to about this? I’m not just concerned about you getting the clothes that you should have, but also that you may begin to see your body differently over time if this treatment continues. You need an adult in your life who can hear you and who can advocate for you with your parents. Whatever has infected your mom to these attitudes is more than you can be expected to challenge on your own.
No matter what, I want you to remind yourself every day that you are fine, your body is fine, and that your mother is wrong. Do your best to challenge any voice inside that ever suggests that you take her nonsense seriously. I hope sincerely that you get the support you deserve, and soon.
—Jamilah
These are from the same column, and I sincerely hope they're fake and nobody is this abusive: https://slate.com/human-interest/2021/07/buying-vibrator-stepdaughter-care-and-feeding.html
One of my daughters, who is 12, hates roller coasters. I’m not sure why, but she has always despised them. My wife will not let her just sit out the amusement park rides. When my daughter was younger, she would kick and scream, and my wife would just pick her up and put her on the ride even if she was crying. She insists “she’ll learn to enjoy them,” but so far she hasn’t. Now that our daughter is older, my wife still forces her on the rides by threatening to ground her or take away electronics. My daughter isn’t afraid of heights or prone to motion sickness. I’ve asked her why she doesn’t like roller coasters, and she just says they make her feel weird. I’ve never met anyone who dislikes roller coasters without a reason. At this point, I’m ready to just let her do something else for the day so we don’t have to deal with her attitude, but my wife is still insistent that she rides these rides. Is there a reason she’s acting like this? Is there a way to get her to enjoy them so we can finally have peace?
—Rough Rides
Dear R.R.,
Pardon my language, but WTF? Why on earth do you people insist on making a hesitant child ride a roller coaster? We aren’t talking about swimming or a self-defense class or cooking or showering (you know, life skills), but an amusement park attraction that, in most instances, requires the rider or their parents to assume some level of responsibility for possible injury sustained while doing something dangerous in the name of entertainment. The entire point of riding a roller coaster is to have fun. If roller coasters are not fun to you, you should not ride them and your parents should not force you. This is akin to making a kid who’d rather eat a salad have a bacon chili cheeseburger; having one on occasion isn’t going to kill you, but it could be mighty unpleasant for someone with a sensitive stomach, and only worth the discomfort if they are interested in enjoying the meal.
It’s one thing to encourage a scared kid to try a ride to challenge themselves (I personally would not do this for fear I may traumatize them, but some of y’all move differently), but it’s another to make your daughter ride one (or more?) every time you go to an amusement park, which I suspect is much more often than she’d like. I am begging you, as a former kid who hated and was afraid of roller coasters, to stop trying to force her into enjoying something she clearly doesn’t and instead, allow her to spend the day with a friend, grandparents, anyone who won’t make her miserable and call it a family activity.
Dear Care and Feeding,
I’m 14 and in ninth grade. I’ve gained some weight since the pandemic started. I don’t know exactly how much, but I’m still within the “healthy” range of BMI. The problem is that my mom thinks I’m really fat and last week she took all my clothes. She let me keep my pajamas and some of my sweat pants, but nothing that she thought was too small or too tight. She says that she doesn’t want me walking around looking like an overstuffed sausage. She gave me a stack of my dad’s old T-shirts and baggy cotton shorts to wear instead. I asked her if we could just go shopping and buy some new clothes in larger sizes. I even offered to pay for it myself with my allowance. She said if she let me get new clothes then that would send the message that being fat is OK. She thinks if I want to have nice clothes then I need to do a better job of taking care of my body. Before the pandemic, I was a lot more active, but I haven’t been able to play sports as much since everything got shut down last year. I’ve tried to talk to her about how embarrassed I am by the clothes she’s making me wear, but she doesn’t care. I feel so embarrassed when I leave the house now that I barely go out anymore. My dad won’t help at all; he says it’s between my mom and me. I just want to wear my normal clothes again and hang out with my friends. What should I do?
—Fourteen and Fat
Dear F.F.,
I am so sorry that your mother is behaving in such an inexcusable manner. What she is doing is harmful, it is cruel, and you do not deserve it. No one should be made to feel such a way about their body. There would be nothing wrong with you if you were fat, and there is nothing wrong with you now.
Two people in this situation are wrong, however: your mom for her behavior and your dad for failing to defend you against it. This is a scenario no child should have to be in, left to figure out what to do and who to tell when her parents are screwing up, and I wish I had better, easier answers for you. I would suggest talking to another trusted adult in your life: Is there an aunt, a teacher, a guidance counselor whom you can speak to about this? I’m not just concerned about you getting the clothes that you should have, but also that you may begin to see your body differently over time if this treatment continues. You need an adult in your life who can hear you and who can advocate for you with your parents. Whatever has infected your mom to these attitudes is more than you can be expected to challenge on your own.
No matter what, I want you to remind yourself every day that you are fine, your body is fine, and that your mother is wrong. Do your best to challenge any voice inside that ever suggests that you take her nonsense seriously. I hope sincerely that you get the support you deserve, and soon.
—Jamilah
These are from the same column, and I sincerely hope they're fake and nobody is this abusive: https://slate.com/human-interest/2021/07/buying-vibrator-stepdaughter-care-and-feeding.html