The part of the letter which spotlights this is "as soon as her mother looked over at her, she would immediately start up again as loud as she could." Yep, that is definitely manipulative; the kid knows exactly what to do to get her way, and every time her mother looks at her she exercises that process. That's manipulation.
Calling it "manipulation" implies that the child is thinking "Hm, how can I get what I want when I know my mother doesn't want me to have it? I know, I'll pitch a fit!" and then following through with that plan. But in kids that age, and especially traumatized kids, that kind of conscious processing isn't happening.
It's possible that she was overstimulated, and making eye contact with her mother was sufficient stimulus to trigger another round of crying. It's possible that looking at her mother set off a wave of fear that her mother would harm and/or abandon her like her father did. It's possible that she wanted to go home but also thinking of going home was upsetting because their home has changed in major ways. It's possible that her mother saying "Please stop crying, honey, when we get home I'll let you watch My Little Pony and have a lollipop" scared her because it implies that Skylar, a traumatized five-year-old, is in charge of what happens, and so she kept crying harder in an attempt to get her mother to be in charge like a parent should. It's possible that she was just plain exhausted. (Tired kids can be SO LOUD.) What's not possible is that she deliberately triggered loud crying in herself in order to... uh... in order to what? Get her mother's attention? That's not it, because the attention is seemingly what led to more crying. Stay at the LW's house? She's old enough to know she wasn't going to get to do that no matter how hard she cried. You say "to get her way" but at no point did Skylar get her way.
A child melted down because something went haywire in her head. Casting her as a manipulator implies she's wicked and we shouldn't sympathize with her. That is a very cruel approach to take to a kid who has, as C&F says, been through hell. Please cut her (and other melty kids) some slack.
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Calling it "manipulation" implies that the child is thinking "Hm, how can I get what I want when I know my mother doesn't want me to have it? I know, I'll pitch a fit!" and then following through with that plan. But in kids that age, and especially traumatized kids, that kind of conscious processing isn't happening.
It's possible that she was overstimulated, and making eye contact with her mother was sufficient stimulus to trigger another round of crying. It's possible that looking at her mother set off a wave of fear that her mother would harm and/or abandon her like her father did. It's possible that she wanted to go home but also thinking of going home was upsetting because their home has changed in major ways. It's possible that her mother saying "Please stop crying, honey, when we get home I'll let you watch My Little Pony and have a lollipop" scared her because it implies that Skylar, a traumatized five-year-old, is in charge of what happens, and so she kept crying harder in an attempt to get her mother to be in charge like a parent should. It's possible that she was just plain exhausted. (Tired kids can be SO LOUD.) What's not possible is that she deliberately triggered loud crying in herself in order to... uh... in order to what? Get her mother's attention? That's not it, because the attention is seemingly what led to more crying. Stay at the LW's house? She's old enough to know she wasn't going to get to do that no matter how hard she cried. You say "to get her way" but at no point did Skylar get her way.
A child melted down because something went haywire in her head. Casting her as a manipulator implies she's wicked and we shouldn't sympathize with her. That is a very cruel approach to take to a kid who has, as C&F says, been through hell. Please cut her (and other melty kids) some slack.